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Marxist Business Owner of the Year 2008

This is a special announcement from The People For The Marxist Way news service:

A little over a year ago, Mr. Douglas Miller owned the most successful carpet store in northern California. With 15 outlets across the area, he was grossing nearly $2 million a year. He ate name brand food, drove an expensive sports car, and lived in a five bedroom house with his wife and three sons. Today, his business barely grosses $100,000, all but two of his outlets have closed their doors, and he drives an '82 Buick. He has even given up store bought food in favor of dumpster diving. But why the radical transformation? I'll let the man explain it himself:

"It finally dawned on me one day. I was driving to work and saw a bumper sticker on a Hummer: 'Live simply so that others may simply live.' I realized I was putting my own greed, safety and happiness above that of the homeless and prisoners of California. Not only that, but I was putting my children ahead of AIDS orphans in Africa. How can I live with myself when I favor my own white children ahead of Africans?"

He also moved out of his McMansion and into a cramped, one bedroom and no bathroom apartment:

"The kids and wife hate sleeping on the floor, using a bucket for the toilet, and wiping with their hands, but unless they want a hard beating from me, they'll do it. Leaving a zero carbon footprint is more important than their happiness and I'd be more than willing to beat them nearly to death to prove it."

President-elect Barack Obama said Mr. Miller is a great shining example of the kind of small business owner he and his administration will seek:

"The era of greed, profits for small businesses and Joe the Plumber is over. The new era of the humble Douglas Miller has begun. The era where businesses can no longer afford to hire and pay workers, and where workers are dependent on the government has begun."

For taking the most successful carpet business in northern California, and running it to a 3-way-tie for last place, Douglas Miller is our Marxist Business Owner of the Year for 2008. Congratulations, comrade!


written: December 21st, 2008


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